Monthly Archives for September 2012

Struggling to make myself press on with Hinds Feet


Well I did read some more of Hinds Feet the part immediately following the planting of the seed of love (the mountain top experience) Much Afraid turns and heads for home to await the call of the
Shepherd, she is on a high, and then! She encounters her worst fear, her life seems to crumble around her and she forgets the mountain top experience.

How often has this been my experience too? All too often! I experience a wonderful time with the Lord and then almost immediately something happens to remind me of my worst fear and rushes in to steal my joy.

Right now I feel like my joy has been stolen and I am buried under my worst fear. I can not go into details, but I have been trying to follow my Lord closely and do what He is asking of me and felt that it was going well, then somehow I lost the way and got into a place where I was relying on my own wisdom more than His Spirit. As a result of my lack of listening and following, I found myself outside of His guidance and the joy I was in has now fallen apart and I am faced with my darkest fears – failure and abandonment.

That experience led me back to Him and He graciously pointed me to Hinds Feet and I have spent the past month wrestling with Him for some other option. But true to Himself, He is insisting that I face my fears and get past them and find out the truth about them.

Takes a deep breath. I know this is all a bit cryptic but there are good reasons believe me, but I will pick up the book again and read it and go through this journey with God and in your presence here, and try to discover what or who is still hidden in me that makes me fear having it exposed.

I feel like there is something that I have ignored for too long and it has more control of how I live than is right. And I believe Jesus wants to shine His light into that fear and set my life straight.

I am sorry that this has been a story of false starts so far and I will try to be more consistent.

Started Chapter 1 – A Decision to set out and the pre-requisites


Well I have finally begun the re-reading of Hannah Hurnard’s allegory into the journey that we take as we move onwards in our faith and in service to our Lord, the Great Shepherd.

The references are all pretty clearly to the word in Song of Solomon so if any of you are not familiar with this book in the Bible I would urge you to read it and keep it nearby to understand some of the imagery that HH has brought into the book.

I have not got very far yet as, like so many books, this one benefits from a second (or even a third) reading to let the words sink into my heart and allow the Spirit to do His work within me.

Here are a few quotes from the book which I scribbled down as I was reading:

are you willing to be changed completely and to be made like the new name which you will receive if you become a citizen in the Kingdom of Love

Wow! Did I ever really stop to contemplate that reality when I set out on this journey to follow my Lord? Or did I just rush out of the door – a bit like Bilbo Baggins in the Hobbit, and then wonder why I had not stopped to collect some things and prepare? And if I had not rushed out of the door, would I even have set off at all?

has love been planted in your heart?

The Great Shepherd asks Much Afraid a probing question – He already knows the answer, but asks us all and then offers to provide the missing seed. I recall that I found myself wondering what was missing in my life and discovered it was this seed that was needed and since that fateful day when I surrendered my heart to Jesus I have been on a long journey of self discovery and God discovery. A journey that continues even now after so many years on that path with (and at times without) Him.

I am afraid, I have been told that if you really love someone you give that loved one the power to hurt and pain you in a way nothing else can

Little Much Afraid puts into words a truth that echoes in my heart and I am sure will for many of you too. How often is it that those we love most are the ones who hurt us most profoundly. And worse (at least for me) is the truth that it is those whom I have loved and do love the most that I have hurt the worst. Sigh!

But the Great Shepherd responds

I have already warned you that Love and Pain go together, for a time at least. If you would know Love, you must know Pain too

Again very true and poignant in my own life and I know many readers here will be echoing my thoughts that if only we had known this truth at the start it might have made the journey easier to bear. For me the words that offer hope are – for a time at least – for me these speak of the transient nature of the pain and the truth that it will all be worth it in the end!

Well like Much Afraid I have made a start on this part of the journey, and I look at the events around my life right now that have brought me here again and wonder whether this pain will end when I finally make my way up into those high places?

I know I trust the great Shepherd and his guidance and I know I need a few more lessons in ‘following’ Him closely and not getting ahead of His purposes for me and those I love. So this tale is the perfect vehicle to slow down and practice following again.